FEBRUARY, 20, 2009

I am not working right now. I am looking for a job. I am stressed that we are going through with IVF without a second income. As my husband likes to joke with me, Honey, put the cuckoo back in the clock. My mind jumps ahead months and thinks, okay, so I am pregnant, and who hires a pregnant woman? Even a woman with 15 years of incredible experience and a great portfolio. Will I be able to get a job before I get pregnant? How many tries will it take to get pregnant? Can we afford more than one or two? Can my body take it? I have these worries, but no answers. I try to not think about them too much, but I know I need to process them.

Conversely, like most people who are working right now, my husband is SLAMMED at work. It seems like everyday he has a new project or grant due. He gets home at 8 or 9p and immediately turns on the computer. I want to give him time to decompress, but some nights I am bursting at the seams to talk to him about what I have learned about our situation. It is on my mind a lot. I don’t know anyone else who has been through this. {All my friends thought, let’s have a baby, and bling! A baby.}