TUESDAY, MARCH 24, 2009

Today we are on our way to have our baseline ultra sound…if all is well, we will start our IVF procedure this month. I am crossing fingers, toes, legs (I’ll have to uncross those later!), hoping we are ready to start.

I have an enormous mix of emotions about this. I am still unemployed. The economy is not helping our situation, and we don’t have the time to wait to do this. It is now or never. We keep believing that everything works itself out. No freelance work to be found. I even applied as a cashier at a candy story. NO GO. Overqualified. I just have to laugh. Okay, everyone laugh with me! I thought at least I could help my husband’s very expensive candy habit by working there. And I could merchandise cute windows. Ah, a pipe dream…

Okay, off for the ultrasound, more later…

We’re back…very sad and frustrated…I have to have the hysteroscopy. And I am a bit ticked because there seemed to be some discussion between a couple of the docs a month or so ago as to whether or not I needed it. Ultimately, they decided watch and wait. Well, we watched today and that little bugger is still there. Ummmmm….what the f?

To make matters worse, my doc is going on vacation in a few days and can’t fit me in until the week of April 12. No one seems to understand that is, oh, 3 weeks from now and not only will we miss this cycle, but probably the next if we wait that long.

Can you hear my heart crumbling to pieces?

My husband is trying to find the silver lining…this gives us more time to look for a job for you…we have more time to prepare…and on. He is sweet. He is trying. He can’t get it unless he is in it. It’s not his fault. I don’t blame him. I am not mad, angry, resentful.

Just silently sad.

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